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Thread: new jokes

  1. #1
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    new jokes

    Two biscuits cross the road one of them gets run over the other one said crumbs!!!"
    Last edited by Redrum; 2007-Mar-04 at 09:52 PM.

  2. #2
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    I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
    Why? I asked.
    Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.

  3. #3
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    Two peanuts cross the road and one of them is assaulted.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clive Tester View Post
    I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
    Why? I asked.
    Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.
    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the other side!!

  5. #5
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    Thumbs up haha

    WOW that is so funny. I will tell you one.

    Knock Knock
    Whos There?
    Doctor.
    Doctor Who?
    You guessed it DOCTOR WHO

  6. #6
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    Red face cONFUSED??????????????????

    I am really confused because i forgot how to put a avatar as your picture?

    Please help me.

    Jack Roach Former name Jackie

  7. #7
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    Okay, you're on a beach and you're hungry. What do you do?

    You eat the sand which is* there!

    Ooh my sides!

    A man walks into a bar, and he says, "Oof!" You see, it was an iron bar!

    Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice!

    What's black and white and red** all over? A newspaper!

    What goes black, white, black, white, blue, black, blue, black, blue? A penguin falling down the stairs!

    *Sand which is = Sandwiches
    **Red = Read
    Last edited by Paul Beardsley; 2007-Mar-06 at 05:20 PM. Reason: To add some more bad jokes instead of doing more posts

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Roach View Post
    Knock Knock
    Whos There?
    Doctor.
    Doctor Who?
    You guessed it DOCTOR WHO
    My grandfather hated Knock Knock jokes, so he would never play along with this one. So we got:

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Doctor
    Which doctor?
    Argh!

  9. #9
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    What did Darth Vet say to the puppy that was playing with the cats? "Look, come over to the dog side."
    Last edited by hhEb09'1; 2007-Mar-06 at 06:49 PM.

  10. #10
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    A woman puts two biscuts in to the oven to cook, and one biscut turns to the other and says "Man, its getting hot in here" and the other biscut says....
    "AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH talking biscut!!!"

  11. #11
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    A man spends his life savings to buy a gold mine, only to find fools gold- that’s very ironic.

  12. #12
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    New Jokes?

    How come all of these jokes are old, then.....

    A got a compliment on my driving the other. There was a note on my windscreen that said "Parking Fine", so that's nice.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Daisy the interrupting cow
    Daisy th.......
    MOO!

    I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
    'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? '
    'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
    'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
    'No, because he's really heavy'

    It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

  13. #13
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    Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.

    One said: "Why do you look so sad?"

    The other responded: "I lost an electron."

    Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"

    The other replied "I'm positive."

  14. #14
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    A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"

    The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

  15. #15
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    Talking See This!

    Quote Originally Posted by Hydro View Post
    A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"

    The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
    haha good one!
    Did you know that i am on a SEEfood diet haha

  16. #16
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    First shepherd: "So why did you even become a shepherd if it was a desk job that you wanted?"

    Second shepherd: "I guess I didn't do my research very well."

  17. #17
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    Question New Thread

    Good Morning.

    Guys does any1 know how you make a new thread plz.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Roach View Post
    Good Morning.

    Guys does any1 know how you make a new thread plz.
    I posted an answer to you here & you acknowledged it over 12 hours ago!

    Please take the time to get familiar with the board & it's FAQ's (hint, this wasn't the thread to ask the question in, again )

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clive Tester View Post
    I went to the doctor today. He examined me, and asked me to say arr.
    Why? I asked.
    Because my dog just died, replied the doctor.
    I still don't get that one.
    It does remind me of a joke I made up though.

    What goes "arr eh"?

    A canadian pirate.

  20. #20
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    A man walked into a bar.
    ouch!!!

  21. #21
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    Cool Haha

    Why did the turkey cross the road?

    Because it was the chiken's day off!

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SockMonkey View Post
    I still don't get that one
    Hi Sock, it’s probably due to differences in the vernacular between continents. Here in the UK the term arr (pronounced are) is a term of sympathy. For example: arr – you poor thing. This joke combines the colloquial arr term with the archetypal doctor scene that you might find in comedy shows like the Carry On series, or on baldy seaside post cards. Picture a doctor examining a patient by looking into his mouth. The patient is asked to say arr, presumably so that the doctor can see down the larynx.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum View Post
    A man walked into a bar.
    ouch!!!
    .
    I like that one, Redrum.

    Hey, don't go to a party on the moon - no atmosphere.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redrum View Post
    A man walked into a bar.
    ouch!!!
    Oy! I did that one several posts back!

    Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

    Oh what the hey, it's only a joke thread. Mind you, I might listen to some Joy Division anyway.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clive Tester View Post
    Hi Sock, its probably due to differences in the vernacular between continents. Here in the UK the term arr (pronounced are) is a term of sympathy. For example: arr you poor thing. This joke combines the colloquial arr term with the archetypal doctor scene that you might find in comedy shows like the Carry On series, or on baldy seaside post cards. Picture a doctor examining a patient by looking into his mouth. The patient is asked to say arr, presumably so that the doctor can see down the larynx.
    Ahh, gotcha.
    Yep I'm a Yank.
    Did you guys get the canadian pirate one? Even over here half the people I know don't get it the first time.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Beardsley View Post
    I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.
    As this is a space flight/astronomy forum, I’d recommend Hawkwind Paul!
    Particularly Space Ritual.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by SockMonkey View Post
    I'm a Yank.
    I’d say Friend.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Beardsley View Post
    Oy! I did that one several posts back!

    Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

    Oh what the hey, it's only a joke thread. Mind you, I might listen to some Joy Division anyway.

    Haha anyway if it wasn't a joke thread i would still care about u.

  29. #29
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    Paul, Love of Joy Division will just tear you apart, again

  30. #30
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    [QUOTE=Paul Beardsley;943968]Oy! I did that one several posts back!

    Boo hoo, nobody reads my posts, I'm so lonely and misunderstood, I think I'll lock myself in my room and paint the walls black and play Joy Division at full volume... See what you've done to me? I hope you're satisfied.

    Sorry Mate, I was just doing a joke.

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