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Thread: Want ads

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    160

    Want ads

    The challenge: Inspired by the famous “Wanted: Schrodinger’s cat. Dead or Alive.“ you are to write a humorous want ad or lost and found notice for publication in an otherwise serious scientific publication.

    I’ll start the ball rolling with this one:

    Wanted spherical mass of uniform density. Must be well maintained and unaffected by aerodynamic forces.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Wanted.

    Wealthy musician sought to help generate a bridge for my new composition.
    Call Mr I Brunel ASAP.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    3,359
    Wanted:

    Local barber, must have sharp scissors, unbreakable comb and large blackboard
    A.Einstein

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Have you ever free-fallen?
    Young, active free-faller needed for experiments involving great heights. Roast beef luches provided free, but bring own gravity...er...gravy.

    Write to Isaac at: Falling Farm, Newton Village, Pullingham, UK.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    11,545
    Wanted: roomers. Must be willing to relocate.
    G. Cantor

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Mare Crisium
    Posts
    689
    LAB ASSISTANT--wanted to take X-rays while professor crouches behind a lead curtain in the next room. Excellent medical benefits. All radiology fees waived.

    Wilhelm C. Roentgen
    Professor of Physics
    University of Wurzburg, Bavaria

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Do you flare up at the smallest thing, get heated in conversation, blow your top regularly?

    Explosive personalities needed by eminent researcher.

    Call Mr Nobel NOW!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Mare Crisium
    Posts
    689
    BODY GUARD--wanted for media interviews with ex-Apollo astronauts. Must be experienced and available for court appearances

    Bart Sibrel
    FlimFlam Films
    Loser Court West

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Milk Maid required by Parisien laboratory.
    L. Pasteur

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    424
    WANTED

    New technology to assist in capturing speedy varmit
    Will pay top ACME dollars

    Thank You,
    Wile E. Coyote

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    3,359
    Wanted: Local jeweler to clean portable timepiece.... Dirt? Not on my watch!

    G Krantz
    Huston
    Texas

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Posts
    2,998
    Wanted: Animal handler to cope with unpredictable cat.

    E. Schrödinger

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Posts
    2,998
    Wanted: Lab assistant.

    Starting position & time as yet to be determined.

    W. Heisenberg

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    5

    Wanted

    Humor set aside for just a minute; I am seriously looking for old astrology books, that date back in the 1800's or very earily 1900's, for my personal study project. Especially interested in any books by: Fakir Chandra Dutt; James Mars Langham; Sepharial; L. Edward Johndro; George Bayers; W.D.Gann; Albert Ross Parsons; or any writings by the members of the late 1800's Astrology or Chirological society. Thank you kindly, Rick

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    11,545
    Quote Originally Posted by mtman View Post
    Humor set aside for just a minute; I am seriously looking for old astrology books,
    [humor on]
    I think the BA has his old supply somewhere around here...
    [humor off]

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Hairdresser required urgently.

    Visit A. Einstein, at Ombudsman Village, Split Ends Close, New Clear Town.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    435
    Wanted: a bit of information

    G. Boole
    C.E. Shannon

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,603
    Wanted: A bit of information from a black hole.

    S. Hawking

  19. #19
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    3,359

    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric Vaxxine View Post
    Hairdresser required urgently.

    Visit A. Einstein, at Ombudsman Village, Split Ends Close, New Clear Town.
    Awww now come on Eric, is a Hairdresser that different from my Barber at the top of the thread?

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    I am SO sorry....I just...ignored your post didn't I?
    My 'pologies!

  21. #21
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Mare Crisium
    Posts
    689
    WANTED--Self-starting, early to rise apprentice to assist in the marketing of:

    --Franklin Stoves
    --Lightning Rods
    --Bifocal Glasses
    --Pithy Almanacs
    --Translation Services
    --Patent Application Services
    --Freemason Initiation Party Favors

    Some print industry experience necessary

    Ben Franklin's Thrift Print & Sprint 1776 Pennysaved Place

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Positive Conductor needed for Cage.

    Make contact with Mr Faraday.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,603
    Wanted: Rare debut LP by "AC/DC" called "High Voltage". I have no money but am willing to swap my full collection of LPs by "Van de Graaf Generator".

    N. Tesla

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Reliable housekeeper needed for my Ohm.

    Interviews to be held in my vault.
    Mr Watt

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    10
    Wanted: massive boson to give mass to all other bosons.

    Contact Higgs

  26. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    352
    WANTED: Jesus
    REASON: To quiet the Millerites.

  27. #27
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    10,440
    Life saver sought by exceptional aviator.

    Contact Amy Johnstone.

  28. #28
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    4,181
    Wanted: a spherical cow, to check a solution to a physics problem.

  29. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    352
    Wanted -- $MONEY$

    Contact:
    Public Inquiries Business Center
    Suite 1M32
    Washington, DC 20546-0001
    202.358.0001 (phone)
    202.358.3469 (fax)

  30. #30
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,168
    Wanted
    New, but less ambitious project



    God

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