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Thread: Marriage and priorities.

  1. #1
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    Red face Marriage and priorities.

    Non-married folks welcome to chime in, too.

    We're married 20 years and just now husband pulled up on a blue Harley-Davidson he's SO wanting to buy. It is a nice bike (I'm not "into bikes"). Loud, attitudinal, well kept.

    Meanwhile, I'm thinking Are you going to be able to run to the bookstore for me, by its closing time?? I want to add a 50 cent old Gothic paperback to my humble collection.

    I'm more concerned with getting that old novel today.
    Dip me in ink and toss me to the Poets.

  2. #2
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    A Harley? Just say you didn't think the lawn mower needed replacing!

  3. #3
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    Sounds like a straight trade to me: Get my book on time and you can keep the bike!
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
    Non-married folks welcome to chime in, too.

    We're married 20 years and just now husband pulled up on a blue Harley-Davidson he's SO wanting to buy.
    So he hasn't bought it yet? Check out prices on past ebay auctions and make sure you get a good deal! Oh, and wear a helmet. And, of course, shades.
    Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.

  5. #5
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    I upgraded to Marriage® v3.0 more than 9 years ago. Most of the bugs have been worked out of it and this version is far more user friendly.
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    Man is a tool-using animal. Nowhere do you find him without tools; without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all. — Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

  6. 2014-Jan-12, 04:01 AM

  7. #6
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    In my marriage, whoever works least number of hours per week holds the purse strings. Right now, it should be my wife, but she is recovering from an illness.

    My wife goes back to work in a few days and until March I will hold the CFO job. We count hours of work, hours of volunteering and hours of school all as work. I will turn over the job once school starts in earnest.

    We came up with this approach because whoever works less has more contact with the children and knows the needs of the house better. When we first got married, I did everything. I worked more and traveled for work and forgot to pay the electric. We had money in the bank and no power, which is extremely stupid. I turned over the Chief Financial Officer job to my wife which worked fine until she got sick and was hospitalized for months. Then I couldn't find any checks or bills. After that we tried "sharing" the position, but we actually don't see eye to eye on financial matters at all.

    I think we have tried every plan in the book.

    Oddly enough, when I am in charge, I would never buy a motorcycle. If my wife was in charge and the opportunity appeared, I'd have two - one for speed and one for style and they'd be all mine.
    Solfe

  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by PetersCreek View Post
    I upgraded to Marriage® v3.0 more than 9 years ago. Most of the bugs have been worked out of it and this version is far more user friendly.
    I am still on v2.0. I did read the reviews about v3.0 and it sounds somewhat promising but I have no intention on upgrading.
    The main bug that has been in all versions so far is actually beautifully illustrated by the OP ():

    The female parts pretty much all have the illusion (or is it a delusion?) that they are the center of the universe and that everything else is (or rather should be) evolving around them.
    I found some hidden params in the config file (happy to share them) that make that major and insistent bug somewhat bearable but as long as it isn't fixed I am not going to upgrade...

  9. #8
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    Marriage and priorities.

    Well, I actually didn't load the full version. It was a partial load of Wife 3.0 alongside Husband 1.2, with up-to-date service packs. As long as you configure both installations with dedicated resources, adequate system space, and sound file/task sharing protocols, it's quite stable and powerful.

    However, I do NOT recommend installing any version of the Girlfriend add-on as it is reported to cause system crashes that may not be recoverable. I suppose one could load it with Open Marriage but I've heard that OS is prone to instability and lacks support.
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    Man is a tool-using animal. Nowhere do you find him without tools; without tools he is nothing, with tools he is all. — Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by PetersCreek View Post
    However, I do NOT recommend installing any version of the Girlfriend add-on as it is reported to cause system crashes that may not be recoverable.
    I fully agree. Besides, they all (without exception) have the center-of-the-universe-bug, especially the ones with the flashy and tempting user interfaces.
    That bug must be deeply rooted in the female subroutines. I suspect a major design flaw on the manufacture's side.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PetersCreek View Post
    I suppose one could load it with Open Marriage but I've heard that OS is prone to instability and lacks support.
    It actually does have support but requires an added license and fairly large user involvement. Plus top of the line communication protocols.
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  12. #11
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    I am in Marriage1.0, with over 25 years of uptime. We made sure that patch "No Major Purchase without Mutual Agreement" was installed before booting the OS.

    More seriously, threatening a major purchase without spousal approval is very likely to cause major stresses.
    Information about American English usage here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  13. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by KlausH View Post
    I fully agree. Besides, they all (without exception) have the center-of-the-universe-bug, especially the ones with the flashy and tempting user interfaces.
    That bug must be deeply rooted in the female subroutines. I suspect a major design flaw on the manufacture's side.
    You also have to worry about them running some version of the Marriage OS, which can result in ballistically-induced hardware damage.
    Information about American English usage here. Floating point issues? Please read this before posting.

    How do things fly? This explains it all.

    Actually they can't: "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." - Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.



  14. #13
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    Don't forget to factor in user error. It's 50% of the responsibility for crashes.
    "I'm planning to live forever. So far, that's working perfectly." Steven Wright

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    Quote Originally Posted by KlausH View Post
    ... The female parts pretty much all have the illusion (or is it a delusion?) that they are the center of the universe and that everything else is (or rather should be) evolving around them. ...
    So this is not the only example in the thread. I am not picking on KlausH only here. The version 2.0 (etc) comments are all referring to a joke many of us have seen, and it is easy in the context of the joke to say things that are sexist. We would like to avoid supporting an atmosphere that treats any subset of our members as not worthy of the full respect you'd give anyone else. So, you've had a lot of experience with marriage or relationships? Great. Please don't project (in these forums) the issues you had with an individual on large groups of other people.
    Forming opinions as we speak

  16. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cougar View Post
    So he hasn't bought it yet? Check out prices on past ebay auctions and make sure you get a good deal! Oh, and wear a helmet. And, of course, shades.
    He's trying to get the seller to come down a bit in price. As for Ebay, my husband's a mechanic so he definitely prefers giving a thorough hands-on inspection. Helmet, yes I'll insist he does.

    I'm not getting on that thing, if he does buy it.

    p.s.: And he got home too late for the bookstore (we're temporarily with 1 vehicle)...so I'll get that book today myself.

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    We're on version 1.33....we're out of warranty and no one will make service calls.

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    My mother told us to forget about meeting each other half-way, said you each have to give 90 per cent. She may have been right. Any way, it's 32 years for us.

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    I'm 6 months into living-with-my-partner and starting to share finances and all that. Scary and exciting all at the same time! I can't even imagine 25... 32... years?! We'll probably both be just as stubborn then as we are now.

    I fear the day he'll come home with a Harley. Call me old-fashioned, I just don't trust road vehicles that aren't enclosed. And I know he'll speed! Well, we're too poor to buy anything like that anyway since we're just starting out, so I have a ways to go before worrying.

    I have been admonished for buying too many books right before I KNOW I'm going to be moving cross-country. Not for financial reasons, but b/c it's more stuff to carry.

    I like to think that we all have baggage, and the trick is finding someone with whom your baggage matches. Or at least doesn't clash. Color theory of relationships?

  20. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoisyAstronomer View Post
    I like to think that we all have baggage, and the trick is finding someone with whom your baggage matches. Or at least doesn't clash. Color theory of relationships?
    At least my baggage has wheels.

    (and no, there is no serious underlying message there, I was just being funny)

    Coming up on 24 years for us. By far, the smartest thing I ever did; there isn't even a close second.

    Before we got married we took one of those "marriage encounter" kind of things, and it was pretty useful. One of the pieces of advice was that we should each maintain some of our own money. So, even though we have the joint checking and savings, which are used for most purchases, we each have our own checking account too, and we each get an equal monthly allowance from our combined incomes. We can do whatever we want with our own money, save it, spend it, whatever. If I want to go out and buy a Harley with my own money, that's my decision - though my toys tend to be photographic or model trains, motorcycles scare me.

    I think this has saving a lot of problems.

    But even still, a relationship needs to be taken care of. About 10 years or so ago we went through some more difficult times and we went to a marriage counselor for about 6 months, and worked through some issues.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  21. #20
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    My wife and I have been married for eleven years, together for fifteen. She is in charge of the money, and I like it that way. Basically, we each get the things we want, but it's a tit-for-tat thing. I got my motorcycle (sold the original one years ago so she would date me) and she got her little farm with chickens and ducks and such.

    But, and this is a big but, we are expecting our first addition in about six months and I don't really know what that is going to do to change things. We had always planned on waiting until we were financially secure to have children, and I thought we had missed the boat, but apparently we didn't.

  22. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    One of the pieces of advice was that we should each maintain some of our own money.
    Second!

    But even still, a relationship needs to be taken care of. About 10 years or so ago we went through some more difficult times and we went to a marriage counselor for about 6 months, and worked through some issues.
    Yep. Continual maintenance. We went through one heck of a humdinger of a situation starting 4 years ago, which finally fizzled out last year. An unexpected immense amount of social stress, and then a financial hit. It really frazzled me, nearly to the point of bitterness. But we came around. *whew*

    One nice thing about being "this far along" in marriage is that most arguments are now a brief "RrroroRRroorRroor!!" to each other. Then two minutes later it's all forgotten.

  23. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by primummobile View Post
    But, and this is a big but, we are expecting our first addition in about six months...
    Congrats
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  24. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift View Post
    Congrats
    Thank you.

  25. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by primummobile View Post
    My wife and I have been married for eleven years, together for fifteen. She is in charge of the money, and I like it that way. Basically, we each get the things we want, but it's a tit-for-tat thing. I got my motorcycle (sold the original one years ago so she would date me) and she got her little farm with chickens and ducks and such.

    But, and this is a big but, we are expecting our first addition in about six months and I don't really know what that is going to do to change things. We had always planned on waiting until we were financially secure to have children, and I thought we had missed the boat, but apparently we didn't.
    Well, there goes all your money. Hope you two have already bought everything that *you* need. :P

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    Quote Originally Posted by primummobile View Post
    But, and this is a big but, we are expecting our first addition in about six months ...
    BABIEEEE! Congrats.

    Lack of proper maintenance may be why my last car up and quit on me. But in grad school, all I could afford was duct tape!

  27. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoisyAstronomer View Post
    Originally Posted by primummobile
    But, and this is a big but, we are expecting our first addition in about six months ...
    BABIEEEE! Congrats.

    Lack of proper maintenance may be why my last car up and quit on me. But in grad school, all I could afford was duct tape!
    I do hope NoisyAstronomer that there was no connection between your first paragraph and your second. Though I wouldn't recommend primummobile maintain his baby with duct tape either.
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  28. #27
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    You can use duct tape? That's great. A load has been lifted from my shoulders.

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    Back to motorcycles . Actually, depending on the model, Harleys are a pretty safe ride, as they are meant for cruising and are not 2-stroke speed demons. However, I'd never recommend learning on a heavy bike, so if this would be the first or an early experience, perhaps not such a good idea. Better to get a 125cc trail bike and go crash that a few times on dirt, until all the skills are in place. Then, say, a medium bike and take that into planned difficult road conditions and learn those (Triumphs are stellar), and then a Harley, and cruise away. OTOH, if he's got the chops, what a way to ride, don't miss out! (Sorry for the hit on the budget, there, Buttercup! I'm with hubby on this one.)

    ...

    As for family finance, I let my wife be the boss, and have to make requests to buy toys (PC stuff.) This is marriage v2.0, and I decided on "heart of gold" as my main search criterion this time around, with complementary looks and smarts. No complaints... my only problem's me! I always want something new from the tech dept. Wife's got me under control, though. Mostly. (There is a semi-secret plan involving mini-ITX boards and the sly recruitment of my son to help produce some purchasing juice in Feb, heh, heh.)

  30. #29
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    I'd bump up from 125 cc to atleast 450 cc. My Honda 450 had (almost) twice the engine of my 250 cc Ninja, but I never felt so close to death on the Honda. I blame the driver. Doh!
    Solfe

  31. #30
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    I like larger displacement bikes. They are more solid on the road and you can keep up with traffic without racing the engine. I ride a Honda VTX with 1312cc of displacement and it is a very comfortable and relaxed ride.

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