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Thread: Jokes

  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    Scots quite often give words with an 'o' a long 'a' sound. That, and changing the emphasis on "a meringue" should help

    Prat!

  2. #92
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    hmmm, I appear to have made a fool of myself, by not getting the joke

  3. #93
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    God had instructed Abraham to sacrifice his son, but at the last moment, an angel came down and stopped the ritual, explaining that god had only meant to test Abraham's faith.

    Some time later, god was walking in his garden and spied this angel nearby. He called the angel over.

    "So, did you go down and stop the crucifixion like I asked you?"

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    hmmm, I appear to have made a fool of myself, by not getting the joke
    Try being me with all the math jokes!

  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    hmmm, I appear to have made a fool of myself, by not getting the joke
    No, don't worry, I was the fool who didn't get the joke!

    I only said 'prat!' when it hit home..me being the prat.

    (Yanks reading this...prat = jerk in England.)

  6. #96
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    You guys think thats bad, I tried Chuck's "number of the beast" post on a few of my co-workers, and they didn't get it. I think I need to hang out with a higher order of hominids. (Many of these folks consider "Romper Room" Post Graduate work, nuff said.)

  7. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard of Chelmsford
    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    Scots quite often give words with an 'o' a long 'a' sound. That, and changing the emphasis on "a meringue" should help

    Prat!
    AGP, you nailed it with the phrasing.

    RoC, yir a dunderheid, yir Granny will be black affronted.

  8. #98
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    Silly variation on Weird Dave's gag -

    Why did Goldie get lost in the Amazon?
    Because the Junglist Massive.

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by mid
    Silly variation on Weird Dave's gag -

    Why did Goldie get lost in the Amazon?
    Because the Junglist Massive.
    And suddenly I don't fell so bad about my joke.

  10. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zachary
    Q: What has two legs and bleeds?

    A: Half a dog.
    That reminds me of one:

    Q: What has four legs and can see equally well from both ends?

    A: A blind horse.

    Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

  11. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gmann
    You guys think thats bad, I tried Chuck's "number of the beast" post on a few of my co-workers, and they didn't get it. I think I need to hang out with a higher order of hominids. (Many of these folks consider "Romper Room" Post Graduate work, nuff said.)
    I still don't get "4969, the Prime of the Beast".

  12. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    Quote Originally Posted by Gmann
    You guys think thats bad, I tried Chuck's "number of the beast" post on a few of my co-workers, and they didn't get it. I think I need to hang out with a higher order of hominids. (Many of these folks consider "Romper Room" Post Graduate work, nuff said.)
    I still don't get "4969, the Prime of the Beast".
    Um ...

    It's a Prime Number ...

  13. #103
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    I was trying to figure out some significance to that particular Prime Number.

    Oh, and i found this the other day:

    Once upon a midnight dreary, while I porn-surfed, weak and weary,
    Over many a strange and spurious porn-site of "hot chicks galore",
    While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
    And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
    "Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
    Quoth the server, "404."

  14. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZaphodBeeblebrox
    Quote Originally Posted by AndrewGPaul
    Quote Originally Posted by Gmann
    You guys think thats bad, I tried Chuck's "number of the beast" post on a few of my co-workers, and they didn't get it. I think I need to hang out with a higher order of hominids. (Many of these folks consider "Romper Room" Post Graduate work, nuff said.)
    I still don't get "4969, the Prime of the Beast".
    Um ...

    It's a Prime Number ...
    But what does it have to do with 666?

  15. #105
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    It's the 666th prime number, starting with 2.
    http://www.utm.edu/research/primes/lists/small/1000.txt
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  16. #106
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    Now, that's funny.

  17. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candy
    Now, that's funny.
    also, like, very sad, that somebody actually sat down and figured that out...

    Regards
    Krill

  18. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoredHugeKrill
    Quote Originally Posted by Candy
    Now, that's funny.
    also, like, very sad, that somebody actually sat down and figured that out...

    Regards
    Krill
    It would be easy enough to write a computer program to do that.
    Everything I need to know I learned through Googling.

  19. #109
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    Werner Heisenberg is pulled over by the cops for speeding. One of the cops leans over to the driver's window and says "excuse me, sir, have you any idea how fast you were going"?

    Werner replies "no, but I know exactly where I am!"

  20. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swift
    It's the 666th prime number, starting with 2.
    http://www.utm.edu/research/primes/lists/small/1000.txt
    When I count on that table, I get 4909 at the 666th prime. (10 per line, 66th line, 6th number.) 4969 comes out to be the 675th prime. Am I doing some thing wrong?

  21. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by frenat
    Quote Originally Posted by Swift
    It's the 666th prime number, starting with 2.
    http://www.utm.edu/research/primes/lists/small/1000.txt
    When I count on that table, I get 4909 at the 666th prime. (10 per line, 66th line, 6th number.) 4969 comes out to be the 675th prime. Am I doing some thing wrong?
    That's what I did and I might have miss counted too? But that was my guess as to what was meant even before I started counting. I'm content to leave it as one of the mysteries of the Universe (had my fill of googling to figure out jokes) :wink:
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  22. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by BoredHugeKrill
    Werner Heisenberg is pulled over by the cops for speeding. One of the cops leans over to the driver's window and says "excuse me, sir, have you any idea how fast you were going"?

    Werner replies "no, but I know exactly where I am!"
    In one of our Men's rooms at work we have some graffiti that say "Heisenberg may have gone here". 8-[
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  23. #113
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    How about
    (600) 202-0206 Phone number of the beast.


    Kudos to the first who gets it.


    More beastly numbers
    http://members.aol.com/s6sj7gt/mike666.htm

  24. #114
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    Nobody knows where the phone number of the beast comes from?
    666 is actually not mentioned in the bible. It does however say six hundred, threescore, and 6. or 600 20 20 20 6 which can be grouped as a phone number. Incidentally it is a number in Canada.

  25. #115
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    666^666 =

    271, 541, 759, 288, 712, 855, 826, 087, 455, 170, 021, 786, 027, 838, 521, 065, 016, 987, 178, 223, 004, 696, 578, 367, 534, 784, 603, 688, 013, 417, 861, 287, 317, 081, 040, 369, 394, 618, 136, 925, 376, 390, 776, 734, 814, 142, 359, 269, 954, 981, 438, 585, 309, 058, 005, 792, 575, 777, 286, 547, 766, 974, 032, 030, 622, 709, 400, 636, 076, 630, 337, 695, 472, 357, 344, 193, 883, 258, 618, 859, 601, 636, 747, 029, 392, 705, 682, 480, 231, 361, 672, 383, 305, 593, 666, 601, 292, 142, 319, 787, 714, 400, 226, 324, 514, 478, 109, 346, 054, 646, 257, 736, 974, 663, 071, 867, 802, 948, 304, 106, 037, 331, 337, 648, 245, 560, 659, 985, 653, 200, 111, 117, 423, 345, 076, 820, 028, 856, 039, 271, 697, 478, 224, 170, 953, 365, 430, 292, 002, 540, 313, 209, 626, 985, 629, 026, 842, 226, 720, 098, 365, 723, 596, 644, 589, 192, 169, 647, 865, 964, 771, 608, 482, 657, 447, 815, 673, 166, 354, 263, 425, 761, 875, 056, 075, 351, 412, 658, 924, 918, 167, 675, 222, 004, 537, 186, 685, 221, 728, 745, 459, 415, 025, 183, 608, 088, 786, 527, 610, 184, 833, 513, 790, 116, 757, 654, 287, 910, 149, 888, 366, 373, 032, 818, 151, 480, 800, 952, 809, 005, 528, 561, 125, 366, 155, 648, 578, 375, 191, 671, 516, 389, 923, 637, 068, 612, 545, 908, 928, 591, 509, 856, 524, 061, 271, 778, 433, 035, 659, 907, 099, 937, 099, 027, 157, 651, 275, 866, 007, 333, 020, 305, 683, 709, 128, 393, 004, 786, 162, 164, 158, 503, 634, 595, 479, 326, 165, 593, 895, 852, 888, 778, 701, 548, 580, 946, 457, 862, 112, 993, 933, 286, 295, 883, 107, 151, 254, 097, 505, 408, 450, 243, 425, 177, 831, 253, 342, 079, 786, 634, 358, 573, 748, 818, 965, 808, 816, 613, 570, 280, 697, 021, 834, 844, 832, 652, 027, 344, 442, 640, 175, 038, 787, 842, 736, 503, 395, 375, 213, 097, 324, 598, 270, 999, 348, 133, 857, 903, 750, 526, 167, 553, 966, 478, 796, 074, 667, 482, 527, 451, 958, 013, 385, 703, 152, 678, 559, 571, 864, 116, 226, 566, 032, 365, 908, 052, 857, 936, 209, 172, 690, 002, 387, 460, 244, 899, 885, 396, 862, 691, 793, 991, 738, 773, 357, 078, 062, 613, 492, 707, 085, 820, 369, 352, 745, 180, 327, 438, 422, 889, 555, 512, 909, 451, 485, 998, 615, 969, 501, 470, 146, 470, 402, 649, 889, 349, 212, 006, 778, 573, 387, 292, 851, 099, 036, 349, 527, 469, 520, 676, 832, 881, 968, 856, 724, 904, 460, 084, 994, 793, 476, 708, 042, 987, 577, 163, 193, 492, 415, 961, 223, 417, 659, 787, 157, 202, 545, 333, 783, 334, 777, 830, 218, 014, 905, 077, 675, 699, 766, 649, 698, 676, 892, 834, 587, 204, 825, 046, 787, 698, 439, 067, 298, 022, 983, 708, 693, 783, 338, 395, 078, 457, 245, 428, 904, 542, 657, 506, 873, 425, 865, 596, 233, 432, 542, 160, 135, 568, 886, 423, 752, 229, 229, 562, 648, 133, 533, 088, 569, 487, 318, 295, 430, 287, 726, 946, 641, 649, 809, 356, 760, 113, 688, 980, 954, 104, 973, 336, 888, 392, 785, 547, 924, 780, 056, 268, 147, 894, 207, 107, 543, 052, 594, 542, 403, 021, 659, 363, 655, 062, 233, 931, 413, 319, 416, 693, 234, 844, 064, 515, 946, 449, 947, 016, 545, 969, 427, 094, 539, 246, 444, 208, 735, 559, 647, 539, 174, 640, 853, 111, 520, 180, 776, 757, 872, 042, 024, 272, 504, 000, 286, 839, 563, 050, 880, 598, 016

    in case anyone was interested.

  26. #116
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    Well I feel better for knowing that Chuck, thanks.

    :wink:
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  27. #117
    Quote Originally Posted by bbtuna
    I got a couple



    What do you get when you cross a pig and a rat?

    Pig rat sine theta
    What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

    You can't cross a vector with a scalar! :P

  28. #118
    Quote Originally Posted by Weird Dave
    (Possibly one for Brits only)
    Why did Ali G take up particle physics?
    Because he heard that the neutrino was massive.
    Booyakasha!! Respect!!!

  29. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Autarch
    Quote Originally Posted by bbtuna
    I got a couple



    What do you get when you cross a pig and a rat?

    Pig rat sine theta
    What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

    You can't cross a vector with a scalar! :P
    oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh! That was a groaner (and thus I liked it)
    At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

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  30. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by gzhpcu
    After Receiving an Invitation to a Physicists' Ball:
    Volta was electrified and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
    Ampère was worried he wasn't up on current research.
    Ohm resisted the idea at first.
    Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
    Hertz promised that in the future he will attend with greater frequency.
    Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
    Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
    Born thought the probability of enjoying himself is pretty high.
    Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
    Heisenberg was uncertain whether he could make it.
    Schrödinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
    Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
    Roentgen could see right through the host's attempt at trying to be sociable

    Fourier wavered in his decision periodically.

    Maxwell just waved at the postal carrier.

    Siemens said he would be happy to gain admittance.

    Babbage and Von Neuman both calculated they could be there, but Ada Lovelace got stuck in a recursion of trying to find proper clothing.

    Watt was sick and didn't have the power to get out of bed.

    Nyquist attended and enjoyed sampling half of the delicasies at the buffet.

    Joule was the life of the party, with such energy.

    Bell was still waiting for his telephoned invitation.



    .

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